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I'm sure it won't surprise you to know that most couples ask me the same questions. I can almost assure you that whatever it is that you may be going through, many other couples are experiencing the exact same issues. Therefore, I would encourage you to find compassion and peace within yourself about that fact. You're not alone, you're not unique, and you don't have to continue to feel isolated when dealing with these feelings. For more information about any issue discussed below, feel free to click on the links and schedule a meeting with me, so that we can begin discussing how to get your relationship back on track, and into a loving and intimate place again. |
A Note To Remember: Every person/couple defines sex, intimacy and affection differently.
It's important that you and your partner are on the same page regarding how you both define these words.
It's important that you and your partner are on the same page regarding how you both define these words.
My Partner Is Too Exhausted To Have Sex
I would start this issue by first asking what your partner means when they say, “They’re too tired to have sex”. The truth is that we all find the time (or make the time) to do anything and everything we deem is “important”. Consequently, the reality here isn’t that they’re “too tired to have sex with you”, as much as it is that they are putting your sex life at the bottom of their list of priorities, if it’s even on the at all. Therefore the better question is, “Why does your partner feel as though your sex life is not important?” Often times, “I’m too tired” truly translates into “It’s not worth it to put other things aside for, meaning, it’s uninteresting, unappealing, unpleasant, boring, etc.”.
If your partner has said to you that they are too tired to have sex with you, I would find a place to openly, lovingly, and honestly communicate with them about what you could do to make sex more pleasurable for them.
Believe me, if sex is truly pleasurable for both people involved, everyone will gladly make the time for it. It suddenly becomes more important than doing the dishes, or watching that movie, or going on a walk, or taking the dog to the park, or the million other things you’ve put in front of it.
If your partner has said to you that they are too tired to have sex with you, I would find a place to openly, lovingly, and honestly communicate with them about what you could do to make sex more pleasurable for them.
Believe me, if sex is truly pleasurable for both people involved, everyone will gladly make the time for it. It suddenly becomes more important than doing the dishes, or watching that movie, or going on a walk, or taking the dog to the park, or the million other things you’ve put in front of it.
How Do I Get Over My Guilt Of Having An Affair?
If you’re here visiting my website and you’ve stopped on this particular issue, I would assume that you truly have a desire to move past this issue, and take the steps necessary to have a healthy, loving relationship again.
This is an issue most people come to me to work through. It’s a huge energy shift for many couples, and they need to be guided back to a whole place of love, commitment, forgiveness, compassion, understanding and love.
And the answer to this isn’t something that can be “generally answered”. There are so many elements to this piece. Why did you have an affair? Does your partner know? How did they perceive you or your relationship at the time of the affair? How do you feel now? How did you feel during the time you were having an affair? I would encourage you to contact me and open up your heart, mind, and relationship to wholeness and growth in this area.
This is an issue most people come to me to work through. It’s a huge energy shift for many couples, and they need to be guided back to a whole place of love, commitment, forgiveness, compassion, understanding and love.
And the answer to this isn’t something that can be “generally answered”. There are so many elements to this piece. Why did you have an affair? Does your partner know? How did they perceive you or your relationship at the time of the affair? How do you feel now? How did you feel during the time you were having an affair? I would encourage you to contact me and open up your heart, mind, and relationship to wholeness and growth in this area.
Our Kids Or Animals Are Always In The Bed With Us
You’d be surprised how often I get asked this question. The bottom line is that there are many places around your home where you could love on either your children, or your pets, however I believe that your bed should not be one of these places.
Some couples have gone so long without having sex that its become awkward, and therefore they use the kids and the pets as the perpetual excuse to never cross this threshold again. I’ve met with countless couples that have shared with me their struggles of overcoming this reality in their relationship, and what I have discovered is that they, more often than not, use the kids and the pets as a barrier, so they don’t have to deal directly with the fact that they’re no longer having sex.
I can tell you from my experience that, even if you’re not feeling compelled to have sex with your partner, there is a great danger in not sharing any intimacy at all in your bed together. However, there is no easy answer to this question because there’s always underlying issues related to its reality. Therefore, I would encourage you to contact me when you’re ready to discuss how you and move into a more intimate and loving relationship with your partner.
Click the link below to schedule an interview so that we can see if we’re a good fit for working together.
PS. Let me also add, there is concern for the overall development of your children when you don’t allow your children to sleep in their own beds but this is an entirely other issue to discuss.
Some couples have gone so long without having sex that its become awkward, and therefore they use the kids and the pets as the perpetual excuse to never cross this threshold again. I’ve met with countless couples that have shared with me their struggles of overcoming this reality in their relationship, and what I have discovered is that they, more often than not, use the kids and the pets as a barrier, so they don’t have to deal directly with the fact that they’re no longer having sex.
I can tell you from my experience that, even if you’re not feeling compelled to have sex with your partner, there is a great danger in not sharing any intimacy at all in your bed together. However, there is no easy answer to this question because there’s always underlying issues related to its reality. Therefore, I would encourage you to contact me when you’re ready to discuss how you and move into a more intimate and loving relationship with your partner.
Click the link below to schedule an interview so that we can see if we’re a good fit for working together.
PS. Let me also add, there is concern for the overall development of your children when you don’t allow your children to sleep in their own beds but this is an entirely other issue to discuss.
We've Waited Too Long, Sex Is Awkward Now
You’ve probably realized by now that the longer you go without having sex the more awkward it gets, even think about it often times leads couples to feel extreme anxiety.
The first step to getting your sex life back (or back on track) is deciding that it matters, and that you’re willing to make it a priority again. I recommend that sexless couples begin by taking a sex break. Yup – take a break from real sex for at least 2 weeks. During this time, work on making things sexy around the house, tidy up your bedroom for instance, get the dog (or the kids) out of your bed, maybe bring home flowers and get ready to rekindle passion with your partner.
Spend two solid weeks being intimate with your partner, but not sexual. Be affectionate and flirty. What if you had to show your partner that you were sexually attracted to them, but couldn’t actually have sex? What would you do? How would you talk to them? How would you touch them? How would you respond to them? What would you do for them? How would you show them that you had a desire to be with them, without discussing sex itself, or having sex? Spend 2 weeks doing these things only. Stay above the waist activity, kissing, touching, making out, etc. But keep your clothes on and absolutely NO REAL sex. See how this works for you and send me an email telling me all about it after your two week no sex trial period.
The first step to getting your sex life back (or back on track) is deciding that it matters, and that you’re willing to make it a priority again. I recommend that sexless couples begin by taking a sex break. Yup – take a break from real sex for at least 2 weeks. During this time, work on making things sexy around the house, tidy up your bedroom for instance, get the dog (or the kids) out of your bed, maybe bring home flowers and get ready to rekindle passion with your partner.
Spend two solid weeks being intimate with your partner, but not sexual. Be affectionate and flirty. What if you had to show your partner that you were sexually attracted to them, but couldn’t actually have sex? What would you do? How would you talk to them? How would you touch them? How would you respond to them? What would you do for them? How would you show them that you had a desire to be with them, without discussing sex itself, or having sex? Spend 2 weeks doing these things only. Stay above the waist activity, kissing, touching, making out, etc. But keep your clothes on and absolutely NO REAL sex. See how this works for you and send me an email telling me all about it after your two week no sex trial period.
What Do I Do If My Partner Is A Bad Lover?
Before answering this question, I would strongly encourage you to ask yourself how you would define a good lover? And what about your current lover feels “not good” to you? Next, I would encourage you to take some solid responsibility for any lack of communication on your own end, as it relates to this issue.
The truth is that all men and women want to be good in bed. Everyone wants to be a good lover. However, what makes most people “bad lovers” (or perceived to be so) is simply their lack of either experience, or knowledge on how to be a “good lover”.
Additionally, I would suggest that perhaps your partner isn’t a good lover because you’re not a good communicator of your desires? Have you explicitly shared all of your thoughts with your partner in this arena?
Lastly, does your partner consider you to be a “good” lover? If so, how do you know?
And I would encourage you to also not consider anything said during lovemaking, even the good stuff, (i.e. you’re so good in bed, this feels amazing, etc.). Have this conversation when you’re both in a great space and away from the bedroom. If you feel like you need to have this conversation in a more “controlled”, equal, or accepting environment, I would encourage you to reach out to me and let’s discuss how I could potentially help you with this issue on a more personal level.
The truth is that all men and women want to be good in bed. Everyone wants to be a good lover. However, what makes most people “bad lovers” (or perceived to be so) is simply their lack of either experience, or knowledge on how to be a “good lover”.
Additionally, I would suggest that perhaps your partner isn’t a good lover because you’re not a good communicator of your desires? Have you explicitly shared all of your thoughts with your partner in this arena?
Lastly, does your partner consider you to be a “good” lover? If so, how do you know?
And I would encourage you to also not consider anything said during lovemaking, even the good stuff, (i.e. you’re so good in bed, this feels amazing, etc.). Have this conversation when you’re both in a great space and away from the bedroom. If you feel like you need to have this conversation in a more “controlled”, equal, or accepting environment, I would encourage you to reach out to me and let’s discuss how I could potentially help you with this issue on a more personal level.
How Do I Present The Idea Of Opening Up Our Sexual Relationship To Other People?
Before I would even bother “going here”, I would first ask whether or not your relationship is healthy enough to even ask this question. Do you already have a healthy sex life? Are you and your partner in a very healthy, loving space with one another that this is a plausible reality?
If the answer to this is, “Yes”, I would then ask yourself, “Why you want to open up your relationship to outside people”. The “WHY” in this scenario matters most. Are you bored with your current sex life? Are they just not doing it for you anymore? In this event, opening up your relationship may cause chaos. However, if the two of you are just “sexually open people”, and aren’t jealous or possessive, and would just like to have a different type of fun or experience, then communication is key. Set boundaries for this scenario. Perhaps your rule is, “We can open up to someone else but we both must agree wholly on who this person is, and we agree to not have sex without one another present.” Etc.
Ask yourself the questions, and then communicate your needs with rules and boundaries to protect your primary relationship.
If the answer to this is, “Yes”, I would then ask yourself, “Why you want to open up your relationship to outside people”. The “WHY” in this scenario matters most. Are you bored with your current sex life? Are they just not doing it for you anymore? In this event, opening up your relationship may cause chaos. However, if the two of you are just “sexually open people”, and aren’t jealous or possessive, and would just like to have a different type of fun or experience, then communication is key. Set boundaries for this scenario. Perhaps your rule is, “We can open up to someone else but we both must agree wholly on who this person is, and we agree to not have sex without one another present.” Etc.
Ask yourself the questions, and then communicate your needs with rules and boundaries to protect your primary relationship.
Can't Get An Erection?
There’s nothing more debilitating than for a man to deal with sexual performance and/or erection issues. And this is not an “ego based” reality for men. If you’re a woman reading about this for your boyfriend or husband, it’s important that you understand this truth. There’s an emotional and mental battle within themselves that’s taking place. Being able to get an erection is one of the greatest performance expectations we all have of men. We have collectively, as a society, placed such an emphasis on a man’s ability to do this, that we shame them when they can’t, and they, more often than not, tether their worth as a man on this single reality.
Therefore, I would encourage any women who may be reading this to be willing to hold a great space of love, compassion and patience for the men in your life who may be experiencing this issue, and never directly correlate a man’s feelings for you with this issue.
There are many reasons why men can’t get an erection: They have too many expectations and feel nervous about it, there’s too much anxiety in their mind about sex, perhaps they have aged and have health issues related to this, or simply they’re not turned on anymore.
There are so many facets involved with this single question that it’s impossible to answer “generally”. I would encourage any woman reading this to contact me so that we can discuss some possible solutions for you and your partner to deal with this issue as a loving couple together.
PS. I would also encourage any man who is reading this, and experiencing this issue, to not assume “Viagra” is the answer to your problem. It can often lead to more problems down the road if you’re not addressing this adequately and honestly.
Therefore, I would encourage any women who may be reading this to be willing to hold a great space of love, compassion and patience for the men in your life who may be experiencing this issue, and never directly correlate a man’s feelings for you with this issue.
There are many reasons why men can’t get an erection: They have too many expectations and feel nervous about it, there’s too much anxiety in their mind about sex, perhaps they have aged and have health issues related to this, or simply they’re not turned on anymore.
There are so many facets involved with this single question that it’s impossible to answer “generally”. I would encourage any woman reading this to contact me so that we can discuss some possible solutions for you and your partner to deal with this issue as a loving couple together.
PS. I would also encourage any man who is reading this, and experiencing this issue, to not assume “Viagra” is the answer to your problem. It can often lead to more problems down the road if you’re not addressing this adequately and honestly.