I would start this issue by first asking what your partner means when they say, “They’re too tired to have sex”. The truth is that we all find the time (or make the time) to do anything and everything we deem is “important”. Consequently, the reality here isn’t that they’re “too tired to have sex with you”, as much as it is that they are putting your sex life at the bottom of their list of priorities, if it’s even on the at all. Therefore the better question is, “Why does your partner feel as though your sex life is not important?” Often times, “I’m too tired” truly translates into “It’s not worth it to put other things aside for, meaning, it’s uninteresting, unappealing, unpleasant, boring, etc.”.
If your partner has said to you that they are too tired to have sex with you, I would find a place to openly, lovingly, and honestly communicate with them about what you could do to make sex more pleasurable for them.
Believe me, if sex is truly pleasurable for both people involved, everyone will gladly make the time for it. It suddenly becomes more important than doing the dishes, or watching that movie, or going on a walk, or taking the dog to the park, or the million other things you’ve put in front of it.
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Jane Guyn, PhD
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