If you have a high score in this area, you're not feeling embodied in a way that allows you to be open to intimacy. Maybe you're feeling bad about the way your body looks or feels, maybe you have physical pain or discomfort during sex. Maybe you're having problems with performance - getting an erection. Perhaps you have physical limitations - like injuries or chronic physical pain - a bad back or knee - that's keeping you from enjoying your partner. Whatever it is, the embodied part of sex and sexuality feels like a barrier to you right now.
If you have a high score in this area, the space and/or time when and where you make love isn't working for you. You go to sleep late and your partner hits the sack at 9 pm - or vice versa. Life is busy even though you're both "working" from home. Maybe it's a child at home, or fur babies or your mom who lives there. Maybe it's just a feeling that you don't feel turned on in your house When you get away, the space might not be right because there's never the right time.
You have a high score in this area, which means that feeling turned on is a challenge for you - at least in your current life and with your current partner. You may be able to access your arousal in some ways, but not when you want it and in a way that works for you. You might remember a time when it felt so easy to be together, but now there's nothing you can think of that’ll make you want it. You're thinking about getting your hormones checked or going on the supplements that guy from work mentioned. Nothing seems to move the needle and turn you on.
If you have a high score in this area, your relationship itself is a concern to you. This could mean that you're struggling with unresolved conflicts or problems with communication. Whatever it is, your relationship is off track. You may be in a sexless relationship. Maybe you haven't had sex for 10 years, but you're best friends. You may have been through years of couples counseling which helped a lot. But, it's still a challenge to get along - particularly in the area of intimacy.
If you have a high score in this area, you have some feelings about intimacy that are getting in the way of allowing yourself to feel connected with your partner. Maybe you're erotically exhausted - or just plain tired. You might have experienced significant trauma during your life. Your nervous system may be dysregulated. Lots of things are working in your life and in your relationship, but when sex gets mentioned, your whole system revolts. You don't know if it's a power issue or something else, but you know that even though you hate saying it, "getting busy" sounds like torture.
If you have a high score in this area, you have challenges in the area of sexual pleasure and specifically climax. Perhaps you've never had an orgasm. Maybe you pretend to have an orgasm so that your partner will feel better about things. Maybe you climax too quickly, or not at all. Your feelings about orgasm are keeping you from being present when you make love. You want to feel fluid and open about sex, but every time you think about it, you know that you'll just worry about feeling disappointed again if you try.
If you have a high score in this area, you have trouble getting out of your head enough to connect. You've got lots of great ideas, but unfortunately, you can't turn them off for long enough to enjoy being with your partner. Even when you're "making love" (which feels more like just another box to check) you're somewhere else. You might be experiencing invasive thoughts about how you look or how you are as a sex partner, or you might be thinking about other things in your life. Either way, your busy mind isn't helping you.
Good for you!
If you don’t have a high score in any of the Bedroom Blueprint™ areas, your sex life is strong and healthy. Keep doing what you’re doing. Show up passionately with each other. Share intimately. Celebrate your connection but don’t get complacent. There’s always more to learn and explore. Be proactive about your intimate life. It matters so much. xoxo
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