I would start this issue by first asking what your partner means when they say, “They’re too tired to have sex”.   The truth is that we all find the time (or make the time) to do anything and everything we deem is “important”.  Consequently, the reality here isn’t that they’re “too tired to have sex with you”, as much as it is that they are putting your sex life at the bottom of their list of priorities, if it’s even on the at all.  Therefore the better question is, “Why does your partner feel as though your sex life is not important?”  Often times, “I’m too tired” truly translates into “It’s not worth it to put other things aside for, meaning, it’s uninteresting, unappealing, unpleasant, boring, etc.”.
 
If your partner has said to you that they are too tired to have sex with you, I would find a place to openly, lovingly, and honestly communicate with them about what you could do to make sex more pleasurable for them. 
 
Believe me, if sex is truly pleasurable for both people involved, everyone will gladly make the time for it.  It suddenly becomes more important than doing the dishes, or watching that movie, or going on a walk, or taking the dog to the park, or the million other things you’ve put in front of it.  ​

If you have more questions about this issue, or would like to schedule a consultation with me, please click here. 

​If you’re here visiting my website and you’ve stopped on this particular issue, I would assume that you truly have a desire to move past this issue, and take the steps necessary to have a healthy, loving relationship again.
 
This is an issue most people come to me to work through. It’s a huge energy shift for many couples, and they need to be guided back to a whole place of love, commitment, forgiveness, compassion, understanding and love.
 
And the answer to this isn’t something that can be “generally answered”.  There are so many elements to this piece.  Why did you have an affair?  Does your partner know?  How did they perceive you or your relationship at the time of the affair?  How do you feel now? How did you feel during the time you were having an affair? I would encourage you to contact me and open up your heart, mind, and relationship to wholeness and growth in this area.

If you have questions about this issue, or would like to schedule a consultation with me, please click here. 

You’d be surprised how often I get asked the question: Is it okay that our kids (or animals) sleep with us? Unless you're perfectly fine with the fact that you and your partner will most definitely turn into nothing more than "roommates" (if you haven't already), then the answer is, "No". Choosing to not have a sacred space for you and your spouse/partner will eventually become detrimental to the relationship.

The bottom line is that there are many places around your home where you could love on either your children, or your pets, however I believe that your bed should not be one of these places.

Some couples have gone so long without having sex that its become awkward, and therefore they use the kids and the pets as the perpetual excuse to never cross this threshold again. I’ve met with countless couples that have shared with me their struggles of overcoming this reality in their relationship, and what I have discovered is that they, more often than not, use the kids and the pets as a barrier, so they don’t have to deal directly with the fact that they’re no longer having sex.  

Even if you’re not feeling compelled to have sex with your partner, there is a great danger in not sharing any intimacy at all in your bed (ore relationship, in general) together.  

However, still, there is usually an underlying issues related to this reality for many couples.

Many couples start out thinking they were being sweet by allowing the kids and pets to cuddle with them. But the unfortunate reality of this is, if your kids and pets are cuddling in the bed with you, you're obviously not being intimate. And the longer time goes by, the greater the awkwardness grows, and the more impossible intimacy feels, and the less sex becomes an option.

And this reality confuses many couples. They have become amazing partners together, they've raised children together, they've spent years building a life together, and they allowed the sex to fall off the list of priorities to a level of being nonexistent. They're best friends. They're loving roommates. They've witnessed each other's lives. They've watched each other grow. They've been there through so much together. But even through all of that, at some point, one of the them (if not both of them) eventually want to feel desirable (again). They want to feel "wanted" by another human being again. There comes a point, in most people's lives, where they simply just want to feel sexy and alive again.

​And if this issue isn't addressed, unfortunately for many, this is usually the beginning of infidelity.
I will have men and women call me all of the time in "shock" to learn that their spouses, after years and years of a beautiful marriage together, has cheated on them.

And, they all eventually come to the realization that, "Yes, they allowed the distance between them to begin with something small, like kids, or pets, in the bedroom".

If you have questions about this issue, or would like to schedule a consultation with me, please click here. 

You’ve probably realized by now that the longer you go without having sex the more awkward it gets. Often times, couples who have gone months (or even years) without sex, can feel extreme anxiety just thinking about it.

First of all, it's perfectly normal to feel awkward if its been a significant amount of time since you and your spouse/partner have had sex, so don't get discouraged. This is one of the top five issues/questions I receive, and help couples grow through consistently.
The first step to getting your sex life back (or back on track) is deciding that it matters, and that you’re willing to make it a priority again. I recommend that sexless couples begin by taking a sex break. Yup – take a break from real sex for at least 2 weeks. Take a break from thinking about sex, and allow the anxiety of it to dissipate. 

During this time, instead of thinking about sex, or how long it's been, or how awkward that "last time was"; instead work on rekindling the passion back with your partner. Work on making things sexy around the house, tidy up your bedroom for instance, get the dog (or the kids) out of your bed, maybe bring home flowers, do things necessary to remind your partner that you're still attracted to them. Spend two solid weeks being intimate with your partner, but not sexual. Be affectionate and flirty. 

What if you had to show your partner that you were sexually attracted to them, but couldn’t actually have sex? What would you do? How would you talk to them? How would you touch them? How would you respond to them? What would you do for them? How would you show them that you had a desire to be with them, without discussing sex itself, or having sex? Spend 2 weeks doing these things only. Stay above the waist activity, kissing, touching, making out, etc. But keep your clothes on and absolutely NO "REAL" sex.

If you will spend a solid two weeks being fun, flirty, affectionate and intimate, rather than worried, needy (or hostile) about sex, it suddenly won't feel so awkward between you two. Two solid weeks of affection and flirtation will remind you both of the chemistry you still have between you, and put you back into an energetic space of being able to see one another as "sexual" again.

Do this, and then be sure and send me an email letting me know that you read this LinkedIn article, and how much it helped you two grow through this temporary, normal, issue that many other couples have gone through.
​
If you have questions about this issue, or would like to schedule a consultation with me, please click here. 

Before I would even bother “going here”, I would first ask whether or not your relationship is healthy enough to even ask this question.  Do you already have a healthy sex life?  Are you and your partner in a very healthy, loving space with one another that this is a plausible reality? 
 
If the answer to this is, “Yes”, I would then ask yourself, “Why you want to open up your relationship to outside people”.  The “WHY” in this scenario matters most.   Are you bored with your current sex life? Are they just not doing it for you anymore?  In this event, opening up your relationship may cause chaos.  However, if the two of you are just “sexually open people”, and aren’t jealous or possessive, and would just like to have a different type of fun or experience, then communication is key.  Set boundaries for this scenario.  Perhaps your rule is, “We can open up to someone else but we both must agree wholly on who this person is, and we agree to not have sex without one another present.”  Etc. 
 
Ask yourself the questions, and then communicate your needs with rules and boundaries to protect your primary relationship. ​

If you have questions about this issue, or would like to schedule a consultation with me, please click here. ​

The top 2 things you can do today to fix your sex life (Spoiler alert: you don’t have to learn a new position or do something out of 50 Shades)

Most people think that fixing their sex life involves some kind of cool yogi sex move or getting handcuffed to the bed. Don’t worry, even if you hate the idea of getting upside down to have sex, you can still transform your sex life when you start with these 2 crucial steps.
The not-so-sexy truth is that before you can get to advanced moves (if that even interests you), you’ve got to realize that your intimate life matters – and take steps to improve it.

Start here...​
Make it a priority. It goes without saying that if you let everything else in your life take priority over your sex life, you’re never going to find that time. You may have great intentions but unless you want to participate in sex as an activity – and not just a fantasy, you’ll never improve your sex life without putting it at the top of the TO DO List. But even if you’ve made time, you still have to…

Find time for sex. Morning, afternoon delight or in the middle of the night – it all works if you’re both down for real connection – not some kind of drive by nakedness. But, you have no idea how many couples come to me with a sex scheduling problem. You can’t have an amazing sex life it you’re never ready and willing at the same time.

Wondering if you’re on the right track in your relationship? Want a little bit of support? Ask me anything…right here…

Do you know why most men are bad in bed? Because most women lie about their needs and orgasms.  
Do you know why most women are bad in bed? Because they never take the time to learn about their own bodies, and desires. And often times too worried and uptight about what they look like, smell like, taste like, or feel like.

For all of you couple's out there who are considering HOW to get your sex life spiced up, or just simply "back in the game", here are my Top Ten Rules To Getting Your Sex Life Back On Track. 

Rule #1  Have FUN!
Be playful. Enjoy it. Laugh, a lot. I heard of a couple who, prior to ever having sex, decided to sit and watch porn bloopers.  This actually caused them to have the most amazing, light-hearted, enjoyable sex life for many years. 
Most couples take sex too seriously. It's an important part of your relationship but can also be one of the most enjoyable, and it shouldn't feel like work. 

Rule #2 Stop being "orgasm driven". 
Most women enjoy good sex. (Many) men however enjoy any kind of sex, in general. This contrast usually means that women find themselves feeling "obligated" and ultimately shut down to the idea of it entirely. There's just too much pressure otherwise.  
For men, my advice to you is to stop being "orgasm driven" and learn to be in the moment (for you both), and truly learn how to please your woman.  Be present. Take the time. Make a few sexual encounters "all about her", so she knows you care about her needs as well. Trust me a few nights of focusing solely on your woman, and her beautiful body, and making her feel sexy and important, will go a long way in the end. 

Rule #3  Start by learning how to kiss again. 
As a sex doctor, I can assure you that I have "heard it all", and let me tell you, nothing shocks me. NOTHING!  However, one of the most simple ways to improve your sex life is to learn how to kiss one another again.  Kissing is a very intimate part of sex.  Do you have any idea what your partner actually prefers when you're kissing them? Open mouth? Tongue? Short little nibbles all over? Long luxurious moments locking lips?  Ask your partner this question the next time you two are together. I'd bet you'd be surprised by their answers. 

Rule #4 Be patient. 
You didn't get a crappy sex life overnight, and it won't get better immediately.  Well, it can in some cases, but probably not, so just be patient. Just like you can't lose 50 pounds overnight, you can't fix this overnight.  For those of you who have spent the past 20 years disconnected from one another, you must learn to be patient. This is a worthwhile, loving road that takes commitment and patience throughout. 

Rule #5 Be open
I'm not just talking about your legs, or threesomes. I'm talking about having an open attitude towards what your partner wants, needs, desires and deserves.  This is one of the biggest aspects we work on in "The Lover's Journey" online course (available here on my website).  Discussing, openly and honestly, what you truly desire, is important. 

Rule #6 Make sure your bedroom is a space you want to have sex in.
Dogs. Cats. Lizards. Kids. Laundry. iPads. These are things that do not belong in your bed with you. 
It is imperative that you create a space that is conducive to having sex. It must be private, uncluttered, energetically open to eroticism, sexy, and comfortable.  Many couple's turn their bedrooms into the "dump room" (can't have anyone see it room) where they "stash and dash" everything when company comes over.  Your space is part of the act of sex.  This is why sex is always amazing in 5-Star hotels. 

Rule #7  Talk about it, openly and honestly
When was the last time you were open with your partner about what you liked he or she to do to you? 
If you have critiques about your partner sexually, save it for a time you're not having sex. If you LOVE something, be sure and tell them IN THE MOMENT that it's happening.  

Having an agreed upon sexual vocabulary is also extremely necessary.  Most people are turned off by certain words. It's not okay to whisper the word "pussy" in your partner's ear without knowing whether or not she even likes that word at all.  Get to know one another in this way. What words do they prefer? What words turn them on, or off? 

Rule #8 Learn how to feel sexy again (no matter what your body looks like)
Confidence is the sexiest way you can show up in the bedroom. It's not about what you look like, as much as it is about "how you feel about what you look like." There are many women who are a size 4, who believe they're too fat, and many women who are a size 14 who believe they are super sexy.  Trust me when I tell you, the confidence wins, always! 

Men, if you're insecure about the size or shape of your penis (or the motion of the ocean), it will not be attractive to your woman.  Learn to love yourself and your body as much as you want them to. 

Rule #9 Be generous to your partner and grateful. 
No one wants to have sex with someone who makes sex all about them. BLAH BLAH BLAH BOOOOORING!!!
This includes initiation. Don't be someone who always makes your partner start sex. They too want to feel desired. And if you're used to saying no, it has led them to believe you're no longer attracted to them.

Be generous with your energy and your actions. Be engaging. Connect. Touch. Pull. Bite. Suck. Lick. Respond. ENGAGE! 

Rule #10 Stop judging yourself and/or your partner's desire to have a loving, intimate sex life. 
We are all sexual beings, and there's absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to have an intimate, loving, erotic relationship with your partner.  The road to recovery begins with non-judgment. You must stop judging your partner's desires to be intimate with you, or vice versa.  

If you need help reconnecting with your partner, please feel free to contact me at Jane@JaneGuyn.com.  I have helped couples all over the world, with all kinds of issues, reconnect and discover the intimate, amazing, erotic sex life they long for and deserve!

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