He Wasn't Actually Gay

“He won’t have sex with me,” she said.

I see lots of couples where the guy isn’t interested in physical intimacy even though people say it’s only women who say “no” to sex in marriage.

Guys say “no” a lot, too.

“He’s in the office with his team all day. I’m a Pilates teacher."

"When I get home at night, all we want is to relax and unwind, but by the end of the night, when I offer, he says he’s too tired for sex.”

“We’re more roommates than lovers. Do you think he’s gay?” she asked me.

They were a beautiful couple - young, successful refugees from NYC. Tech genius + sculpted health expert with everything anyone could want - beautiful home, white Model S Tesla. Even a well-trained Labradoodle.

But zero sex.

Sometimes, I wonder if guys like this are gay. Maybe they’re in the wrong relationship. But, when I talked to her husband, I knew it was something else.

He told me that they hadn’t had sex in months. When I asked him why, he said it was little everyday stuff, not big problems with sexual orientation. He was interested in sex. Just not the sex they’d been having.

He said she lacked any sexual openness. No sensual energy. A lack of creativity in the bedroom. Unmotivating.

It was an erotic disconnection.

And he wasn’t into it. He wanted her to be more welcoming and fluid when they made love. And because that wasn’t happening, he simply opted out.

When the sexual part of your romantic relationship starts failing, pay attention. There are probably lots of good reasons why you can’t get together (kids, work, pets, COVID) but sex still matters.

Women - join the Love and Intimacy Facebook group and get some great ideas about how to figure out what’s going on in your relationship no matter what.