how to be comfortable naked (no matter what)

It’s tough to be naked. Particularly in front of your classmates or colleagues. You may have read my previous blog post about doing The Mirror Exercise when I was in graduate school. The Mirror Exercise is a confronting group experience where each person in a mixed gender group of sexologists is invited to disrobe piece by piece while looking into a mirror and saying out loud the words that come to mind - speaking the negative (and sometimes positive) self talk that emerges unwelcomed from the mind about the body. ​

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I did The Mirror Exercise again recently. This time, I was a participant in APSEX, the Advanced Personal Sexual Exploration Experience I attended in the hills near Calistoga, California. ASPEX was created and guided by my mentor and friend Dr. Patti Britton. I was on the support team. We were a group of 26 humans from 7 countries - all people who’ve had deep personal and professional experiences and/or training in the field of human sexuality. Generally speaking, we’re “comfortable” with our bodies. And yet, standing up in front of a full length mirror in a lighted room, with our peers watching quietly, was challenging for many of us. Some of us cried, many of us told stories of sexual shame from our past or recent life experiences. 

We did the exercise with the intention of letting go of this shame, leaving it there in that rustic retreat center. I know I felt a huge relief after the experience. During the exercise I took off my clothes piece by piece. Most of the people in our group were decades younger than I am. I felt so vulnerable, so seen, but also loved for who I am today. I let go of unhelpful thoughts and ideas that had plagued me since my teen years. 

As I completed the exercise, I recognized that even after all this time, I was being negatively impacted by extreme negative self talk about my body.  It was time to let it go. 

You can do this for yourself also. It may seem impossible but it’s not. Here are 3 things that have helped me and my clients on the journey to feel alive and expressed in our own skin:

1. Realize that you only have one body - this one -  during this lifetime. It’s your one and only Earth Suit. It’s just that - a body that experiences all sorts of feelings and emotions.
   
   
2. Know that your body is your vehicle for pleasure. When your mind keeps you from experiencing positive sensations because it’s filled with negative self-talk about things (big and small) that you don’t like, you can’t feel pleasure. The negative self talk is like a numbing agent - anesthetizing you from the pleasurable feelings you deserve.
   
   
3. Accept the fact that you’re not perfect. Nobody is. Some of the objectively most beautiful humans on the planet are wracked with body shame. You don’t need to have a perfect instagram worthy body to accept yourself. You are perfectly imperfect. That’s the name of the game. Enjoy what you have. Today and every day.
   
   

I hope all of this makes sense to you. If I could wave a wand for you right now that would get rid of all your insecurities and doubt about your body, I would do it. It would make such a difference in how you feel as a sexual person. But since I can’t do that, I’m offering you the next best thing. Book a complimentary virtual coffee session with me using this link: https://www.howtofixmysexlife.com/coffeedate.html 

Let’s get on a zoom or phone call and see how much progress we can make on getting you free from body shame once and for all. 
You got this.

Xoxo
Jane