Jane’s Staring At That Naked Guy

“Jane’s staring at that naked guy,” she said.

He wasn’t actually naked, but I was staring. He had climbed up the rocks over a swimming hole and was ready to jump. And he was soaking wet, wearing plain white boxers. I guess I could see it all.

I don’t remember that part. I only remember all my friends turning to look at me, pointing and calling me out. 

“Look at Jane! She’s staring!”

It was incredibly humiliating. 

I was at Rancho Oso, a dude ranch/summer camp.

She was a friend from high school so I must have been at least 15.

When I think back on it now, I know I felt shame being seen as a sexual person. 

Being a sexual woman is a complicated matter. We’re told by society to be sexy but not slutty. Receptive (to our husbands) but never erotic outside of the bedroom. It’s a tough landscape to navigate. 

Eventually, a lot of us get tired of trying to figure it out. We throw in the towel. When we have a birthday ending in -9 (39, 49, 59, 69) we decide we’re “too old” to be a sexual person anymore. We opt out - because someone caught us feeling sexual sometime long ago.

We believe the lie that says we’re not okay. That we need to be a cleaned up, airbrushed version of a woman. That we shouldn’t have a sexual interest in the people around us. 

When we stop looking at the world through sexual eyes, we give up a whole lot of engagement in our everyday lives. 

How about you? Have you stopped feeling the turn on and vitality that’s your birthright as a woman? If you have, maybe it’s time for some not so innocent eye candy. 

Who catches your eye? Jason Momoa? Idris Elba (Yesss)? Charlize Theron? Your very own husband? 

Get yourself some eye candy and feast. Even if someone’s looking. 

Email me and let me know. I'll personally get back to you.