Before addressing this question, I would strongly encourage you to ask yourself how you would define a good lover? And what about your current lover feels “not good” to you? Next, I would encourage you to take some solid responsibility for any lack of communication on your own end, as it relates to this issue.
The truth is that all men and women want to be good in bed. Everyone wants to be a good lover. However, what makes most people “bad lovers” (or perceived to be so) is simply their lack of either experience, or knowledge on how to be a “good lover”.
Additionally, I would suggest that perhaps your partner isn’t a good lover because you’re not a good communicator of your desires? Have you explicitly shared all of your thoughts with your partner in this arena?
Lastly, does your partner consider you to be a “good” lover? If so, how do you know?
And I would encourage you to also not consider anything said during lovemaking, even the good stuff, (i.e. you’re so good in bed, this feels amazing, etc.). Have this conversation when you’re both in a great space and away from the bedroom. If you feel like you need to have this conversation in a more “controlled”, equal, or accepting environment, I would encourage you to reach out to me and let’s discuss how I could potentially help you with this issue on a more personal level.
If you have questions about this issue, or would like to schedule a consultation with me, please click here.
Jane Guyn, PhD
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