sex is self care

The retreats include experts in meditation, yoga, nutrition and skin care. Everything a woman needs to find real peace in her life. But sex? Nope. Never.

YOU: Why don’t we do that more often?
YOUR PARTNER: I have no idea.

Sex is self care. (good sex, that is)

​I'm binge listening to Glennon Doyle's podcast "We can do hard things". Her book "Untamed" was lifesaving for many during the pandemic.

She talks about real self care, something you do on the inside for yourself - not on the outside for the world. Not retail therapy & junk TV. Not the mani-pedi, happy hour kind. 

She talks about creating something new so that you don't need a vacation from what’s real. I love all this, but I've noticed that so far, Glennon hasn't mentioned anything about sex.

Thinking about sex as self care for women is controversial. 

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Nobody ever mentions sex in yummy Take Care of Yourself retreats. You know the 3 day events with experts on meditation, yoga, nutrition and skin care? Everything a woman needs to find real peace in her life. 

But sex? Nope. Never.

The people who set up those retreats know that if you’re a woman, sex is difficult for you. 

• Because you've experienced trauma on many levels - personal, societal, ancestral. 

 

• Because  having sex feels like letting go of power, “giving it up,” and you don’t want that.

 

• Because you’re doing a huge amount of invisible work in your life and sex feels like work for someone else - not something for yourself. 

So they steer clear.

But what they don’t tell you is that being open to heart open sex is the ultimate indicator of your comfort and authentic voice. 

And good sex is the secret door to deeply healing self care. 

Inside that door is your inner landscape. It’s the place where you practice using all the tools you need for the rest of your amazing life.

• In good sex, you give and receive. 
• In good sex, you play with power. 
• In good sex, you ask for what you want.  

And good sex pays off. Physical touch (when consensual and appropriate) increases your neurotransmitter release. It decreases your stress and cuts cortisol in your body. 

Good sex increases well being and decreases anxiety and depression, It improves your relationship satisfaction and overall sense of optimism. 

All this sounds amazing. So, why do you resist it? 

Because, getting good sex takes a lot of work. At least that’s what it feels like. And the sex you’re getting right now isn’t good enough for that. 

Calling the salon for a mani-pedi takes 5 minutes. You get to pick out your color. Getting wine with friends, pretty much the same thing.

Getting sex that soothes your soul is challenging. 

Here are 5 reasons it’s difficult getting sex that’s worth getting naked:

1. You don’t have a partner who turns you on (or any partner)
2. You’re too busy to deeply connect - and that matters
3. You can’t turn off the voice in your head, even when you have time
4. When you have sex, fantasy’s better than reality
5. Your partner doesn’t please you - so you might as well masturbate

French nails = 45 minutes out the door. Sex that feels like self care = impossible.

I hear you. But, what if getting self care sex started to feel easy instead of impossible? If the work you put in was worth what you get out? If you had sex that finely feels good enough - or even amazing? 

Just wondering…