Eventually, she did replace him with a new lover who was comfortable with her in all the ways. Now he was playing catch up and trying to get her back after she ended her passionate affair with another man.
She wanted him to be open and welcoming in the bedroom but he always seemed more judgmental than anything. His judgy-ness turned her off and made her even less interested in being intimate.
Now their relationship was on the rocks.
She felt a huge amount of shame. He was devastated.
Like most people I work with, their #1 problem was communication. They misunderstood each other constantly which meant they drifted apart instead of coming together when they tried to talk.
Sexuality is a challenge for most couples. When infidelity is involved, it’s like walking on eggshells. Both people are sensitive. They want to feel better but there’s not an obvious path forward.
The passion of an affair is like rocket fuel. It can be overpowering. And the stories we tell ourselves about the early days of our relationship tend to stick like tar on the bottom of our feet after a beach walk.
“She’s just not a very sexual person.”
“He’s closed minded and puts me down.”
“We’re not compatible.”
And then we fit everything that happens into our stories and they reinforce our limiting beliefs about each other.
Round and round we go. And it’s all based on something small or large that happened ages ago. We don’t get over it. Maybe it’s trauma. Maybe it’s a misunderstanding. But whatever it is, it sets us on a pathway to disconnection that continues for years.
The good news is that we can change those beliefs and re-write the stories.
Let’s do this thing.