We unpacked our suitcases and got the film out of our cameras. We wrote our names on little bags, took them to the drugstore, and ordered a set of 4 x 6 inch glossy prints.
When the prints came back, there were some beautiful images of our travels. Pictures we took when we rented a moped. The market stalls.
And pictures of us at the beach in bathing suits.
Jim’s a beautiful man with a great build. Always has been. He’s got a good self image. He was happy with all the pictures.
But, when I saw the pictures of myself in a bikini, I was horrified.
When I looked at one picture in particular, I was disgusted at how fat my thighs looked. Yuck, I thought. Horrible picture.
Years passed and the pictures got stuck in one box or another until finally, I hired someone to help me get some stuff organized here in Bend.
We went through old boxes. Took stuff to the Goodwill. Recycled other things. And one day, while sorting pictures, The Bad Thigh Pic fell out of a folder.
There it was. A picture of a slim, toned, young woman walking out of the ocean in Mexico. Beautiful thighs. Beautiful slender body.
I remembered how “horrified” I’d been when I took the prints out of one of those little bags when we were newlyweds. And I realized how sad that really was.
I’d had a completely distorted view of my body.
Now - years later, I feel great about my body. It’s not perfect by any means, but I feel more self accepting and beautiful than I ever have.
I’m the delighted mom of 6 kids. I’ve had 3 pregnancies and 3 C-sections. I have adult onset insulin dependent type 1 diabetes. And I accept my body fully. In every single way. Every day.
It’s been a journey of growth. I’ve thought about my upbringing and how body perfectionism crept into every cell of my being over the years. I’ve worked hard to let go of that legacy.
It’s been a challenging journey. But so worth it.
How about you? Are you struggling with body hatred? With body shame? Can you see the beauty of your own body? Or are you blind like I was?
If you’re a yes to these questions, I got you, my beautiful friend.
Email me and let me know. I'll personally get back to you.