She looked through the lengthy whiskey menu and waited for the bartender to serve her. The bartender had to climb up the ladder to reach it. The bottle was on the top shelf of the back wall of the Multnomah Whiskey Library. He carefully poured Lagavulin 16 year old Single Malt Scotch Whiskey into a heavy Rauk tumbler.
On her 40th birthday party, she went to the Multnomah Whiskey Bar with a group of girlfriends. She looked through the lengthy whiskey menu and waited for the bartender to serve her.
Sometimes she got exactly what she wanted. But when it came to men, things didn’t always go so well.
He was hot. An athlete who ran competitively in college. At almost 50 he had sculpted good looks that ran right through her.
When they made love, he opened her in all the ways, but then he disappeared - sometimes for days at a time. In the beginning, she worried if something had happened. But after a while, she realized it was his style to ignore her after sex. No matter how good it was.
She was stunningly beautiful. Sensual and balanced. Eyes that pulled you in. 1000 watt smile.
When she walked through a COVID safe room, people moved to let her pass so that they wouldn’t miss one moment. Even with a mask on. She lived her life unaware of the impact she had on the people around her. Her unawareness made her ever more attractive.
It wasn’t the first time she’d been involved with someone like him. Over and over she fell for guys who ignored her or made her feel somehow less than she was. Her friends wanted her to forget him. They didn’t like the way he treated her.
They told her that she was way too special to be chasing after someone who ignored her.
She cried through most of our first coaching session. At first, I wasn’t really sure why she was there. She was a single beautiful woman with a great job, tons of friends, and a sometimes boyfriend. But as she described her history with men, I understood.
Despite her outward appearance of success, she suffered from a sense of worthlessness.
She’d been raised in a strict home. She’d struggled with her sexuality as a young woman. Her parents didn’t want her to see her beauty because they were afraid she’d be misused by men.
As it turned out, she was misused by men anyway.
Her tears spoke volumes. She was always the one to forgive and make amends. She was always the patient one. Somehow her partners always said things that made her feel inadequate.
Or they pointed out her minor physical flaws - cellulite on her thigh, a scar on her shin. Their words cut like a knife and she felt less worthy every time.
Our coaching focused on the shame she carried. I taught her to change her mindset using a simple daily writing process. She had trouble making decisions because she was always trying to do what other people wanted her to do.
I helped her ask for what she needed.
The people around her saw her worth but she didn’t. Eventually, after many coaching sessions, she dropped enough of the shame she’d been carrying to feel lighter and more alive.
She began to see herself clearly. She was beautiful. She was intelligent. She was compassionate.
She was top shelf whiskey. She was something special, worth waiting for, worth climbing for. The change was profound. And it made her feel lighter, happier, and more spacious.
How about you? Are you top shelf whiskey pretending to be rail?