Dr. Jane Guyn
You’ve probably realized by now that the longer you go without having sex the more awkward it gets. Often times, couples who have gone months (or even years) without sex, can feel extreme anxiety just thinking about it.
First of all, it's perfectly normal to feel awkward if its been a significant amount of time since you and your spouse/partner have had sex, so don't get discouraged. This is one of the top five issues/questions I receive, and help couples grow through consistently.
The first step to getting your sex life back (or back on track) is deciding that it matters, and that you’re willing to make it a priority again. I recommend that sexless couples begin by taking a sex break. Yup – take a break from real sex for at least 2 weeks. Take a break from thinking about sex, and allow the anxiety of it to dissipate.
During this time, instead of thinking about sex, or how long it's been, or how awkward that "last time was"; instead work on rekindling the passion back with your partner. Work on making things sexy around the house, tidy up your bedroom for instance, get the dog (or the kids) out of your bed, maybe bring home flowers, do things necessary to remind your partner that you're still attracted to them. Spend two solid weeks being intimate with your partner, but not sexual. Be affectionate and flirty.
What if you had to show your partner that you were sexually attracted to them, but couldn’t actually have sex? What would you do? How would you talk to them? How would you touch them? How would you respond to them? What would you do for them? How would you show them that you had a desire to be with them, without discussing sex itself, or having sex? Spend 2 weeks doing these things only. Stay above the waist activity, kissing, touching, making out, etc. But keep your clothes on and absolutely NO "REAL" sex.
If you will spend a solid two weeks being fun, flirty, affectionate and intimate, rather than worried, needy (or hostile) about sex, it suddenly won't feel so awkward between you two. Two solid weeks of affection and flirtation will remind you both of the chemistry you still have between you, and put you back into an energetic space of being able to see one another as "sexual" again.
Do this, and then be sure and send me an email letting me know that you read this LinkedIn article, and how much it helped you two grow through this temporary, normal, issue that many other couples have gone through.
If you have questions about this issue, or would like to schedule a consultation with me, please click here.
Jane Guyn, PhD
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