why is everyone else having so much fun? & the bare minimum s e x talk

They’re laughing and holding hands downtown. They’re throwing frisbees at the lake. Everything looks easy. Do they have problems talking about s e x too?


It’s so awkward to talk about it.
I get that. Even when you’re madly in love and things are super hot n’ heavy, sometimes opening your mouth and letting words come out is much harder than getting naked on a smokin’ hot day with A/C running. ​

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It looks simple for everyone else. They’re laughing and holding hands downtown. They’re throwing frisbees up at the lake. Do they have problems talking about it?

There were times when talking about it felt okay for you, too.  Fun even. 

You’d sit together and say all the things that needed to be said. 
You’d let go of your inhibitions. 
You trusted each other. 

You were that couple. The couple that could talk about it. Have fun. Feel natural. 

But then something happened and it wasn’t quite right anymore. It felt strangely awkward. And then embarrassing. 

You wondered if your partner felt the same way, but it was strange to ask, so you let it go.

You knew that you had a pattern from past relationships where you kind of disappeared in these situations. 

But, at the beginning of this relationship you’d felt different. 

FInally, you were open. 
It was easy to talk. And your partner was right there with you. 
And now this. 

I hear this story all the time in my work with individuals, couples and groups. 

Things get awkward. Eventually, the s e x  stops feeling good because when you can’t talk, it’s hard to know how to please each other. 

Everything falls apart. 

You know that you need to have The Talk if you want to make things better - and you really do want that -  but you have absolutely no idea where or how to start. You’re clueless. And like so many other people, you need to take action.

You’re ready to have the bare minimum s e x talk. It’s what you need to say to start getting your intimate life back on track.

The bare minimum s e x talk goes something like this….

“Lover, I love you and want to be with you. I know that things have been a little bit off in our communication about intimacy lately. I really want to hear what you’ve been going through and how you’ve been feeling, so that we can both get our needs met. Could we set up a time to talk when you’re not too busy? No pressure.” 

That’s it. Nice and easy. 

Of course, talking about intimacy when things have gotten awkward might be a little more difficult than that. I know that’s true. But when you start gently with an open heart and no pressure, it’ll be much less painful than you’d think. 

Almost as easy as tossing a frisbee at the lake.  

xoxo

Jane

PS: You got this.