Would Love Be Better With Another Woman?

​They spent the night together in a hotel room. Just like their 6 other friends on a COVID Safe girls’ weekend to Seattle. They’d been besties for years.

They loved spending time together at home or on short and long adventures.

They shared stories as they walked through Pikes Market and laughed at the FishMongers.

​Went to bed late. Had hotel coffee together in the morning. ​

Her friend was a beautiful lesbian woman who was getting over a breakup in her 14 year relationship. She spent hours listening to all the drama. There were lots of tears and hugs.​
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She was in a long term marriage with a man. Everyone told her he was a great guy but they were having trouble connecting. It started after the kids were born. They were 2 and 4 now. And even though they’d always had a passionate love affair, her turn on was MIA in her relationship with him now.​
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When I asked her about her sex life, she told me that she was having lots of fantasies about her sexy lesbian friend. ​
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Sometimes she imagined kissing her. Sometimes she imagined more.​
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She’d never really been turned on to women in her life, but she was starting to think love would be a whole lot easier with someone just like her.


She watched hours of “The L Word” reruns on Netflix. She read “Untamed” in her book club. Glennon Doyle made same sex loving sound amazing.
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It’s true that lovemaking between two women is different. For lots of reasons, the sex is often more intimate than what women usually experience with men. Studies show that women in same sex relationships have more orgasms on average than women who have sex with men. ​
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Women are sexy. But for this client, and many other women, the desire to be with another woman is often not about wanting a woman - it’s about not wanting a man. For many women, communication with men has become challenging.​
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My client didn’t think she could get her needs met with their husband. They didn’t communicate well. She decided her lesbian friend would be able to understand her better.​
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Sometimes that’s true. Maybe you’re attracted to women and want to shift your sexual expression in that direction. But, before you make that move, get honest with yourself. Are you moving toward a woman or away from a man who doesn’t know how to please you right now?​
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If you don’t feel comfortable with who you are (and what you want), being with a woman won’t help you. Your female lover won’t be able to read your mind any better than your husband can. ​