would you like a sex snack?

So, we started with the idea of sex snacking because it didn’t push her. It gave her a soft opening to intimacy. And it gave him the touch he craved.

He was starved for touch. She loved him, but didn’t have a lot of space in her life for intimacy. She was busy with all the things - the kids, the house, her business. So many things to do. Getting naked didn’t often make the list. 
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It wasn’t that she didn’t love him, because she did. But the kids needed hauling. And she had her own needs. Making time for intimacy was very challenging for her. 

He craved any kind of physical affection. Like that adorable golden retriever puppy you saw yesterday by the river. The one who was smiling a doggie smile and straining at his harness for a pet on the head or a belly rub. He felt like that puppy. Longing for connection. He pushed her to touch him but they couldn’t find a way to connect.

Pet me.
Touch me.
Love me. 

He needed her touch. She needed her space and time. Their pattern. They were stuck in an intimate stalemate.

When we started working together, they wanted a simple solution to their chronic problem. They looked to the other to make a move. To fix it. 

She wanted it to be a move that felt authentic and loving - not forced or creepy. He had no idea what she was talking about when she said that. 

She often felt overwhelmed by the idea of intimacy. It was too invasive, too personal. She took too long to warm up. He tended to rush her when she said “yes” - and she only said “yes” because she felt guilty that it’d been a month since they last made love.

So, we started with the idea of sex snacking because it didn’t push her. It gave her a soft opening to intimacy. And it gave him the touch he craved.

 A little nibble in the afternoon.

A sweet snack to take the edge off while waiting. Something between meals. Not too much. Not too little. 

What’s sex snacking?

Sex snacking is an agreed upon set of yummy little things to do with your partner, usually fully clothed, during the day to keep your connection alive.

Things that are tender and sexy and loving but not sexual, unless that’s what naturally happens between you. No pushing. Just a little something. 

How to get sex snacking started:

1. Set up a conversation.
2. Explain sex snacking.
3. Ask these questions:
   1. Want to take pressure off of sex?
   2. What kind of “sex snacks” would you like? 
   3. Agree upon a sex snack menu - maybe hugging, shoulder rubs, head or foot massages, cuddles, caresses, dancing, spooning, passionate kissing, or?
   4. When you want to connect say, “would you like a sex snack?” See what happens.

You might doubt that adding things like this into your relationship will change anything. I get that. It seems impossible. But you’ll be amazed at how something so small can make such a big difference. 

Try it. 

You might (both) really like it.