Relationship Blogs |
 It’s tough to be naked. Particularly in front of your classmates or colleagues. You may have read my previous blog post about doing The Mirror Exercise when I was in graduate school. The Mirror Exercise is a confronting group experience where each person in a mixed gender group of sexologists is invited to disrobe piece by piece while looking into a mirror and saying out loud the words that come to mind - speaking the negative (and sometimes positive) self talk that emerges unwelcomed from the mind about the body.
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 Every day I talk with couples who are struggling with how to stay connected sexually. Sometimes, it’s been weeks, months or even years since they were physically intimate. I get it.
They’re not on the same page about physical touch, affection or sex. One of them wonders why anyone could care that much about sex. The other can’t imagine how their partner can live without intimate physical connection. They’re at the absolute ends of a libido spectrum. It seems impossible for them to change. Honestly, it is impossible without help. They need my support - or the support of another sex positive helping professional. Without a third party to help them unravel all the feelings they’re having, they’ll never be able to get rid of the barriers to connection they’re experiencing. They’re in a hole and if they don’t start digging they’ll never get out.  Maybe last week you read my email about that adorable little old lady who came into the office ready to have sex again. At 81 years old, she’d lost her dentures and used a cane to get around, but sex was still on her mind.
That little lady is my hero. Not because sex is required for people in their 80’s, but because she’d identified her desire and reached out to me for help. If you missed my post, check it out here.  An 81 year old woman walked into my office recently. Her primary care doctor sent her to me. The driver from assisted living drove her. She wore a shampoo and set hairdo, a perfectly pressed cardigan with sensible shoes and walked with a cane. She didn’t have any teeth - couldn’t find her dentures that morning.
She had that endearing way of talking. Too much gum. Not enough teeth. I saw my future - a little old lady who somehow couldn’t find her teeth. In the sex coach’s office at 80+ years old.  One night soon after they started dating, she told her friends at Book Club that she’d won the multimillion dollar “Powerball of Cock”. There was something about her new bf’s body (and what he did with it) that drove her wild in the bedroom. The act of intercourse wasn’t usually her thing, but with this guy it was different. He was all that and a bag of chips.
The morning after Book Club, she was a little embarrassed about how much she’d divulged. When it came to sex, she wasn’t the biggest talker in the room. But, Book Club was a place for secrets. |
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